I always thought Halloween was delightful and charming. I guess I always knew deep down that it had scary roots—either something to do with ghouls and witches, or Catholic holidays. But the freckled, buck-teeth kids interrupting my important sitcom watching hardly seemed sinister. I confess that, I actually found it quite charming to be greeted by the Smurfs, glow-worms, princesses, Darth Vaders, and other beguiling alter-egos salivating on my welcome mat.
Little did I know how dastardly this holiday was. Like a razor blade in a Snickers bar, Satan had impregnated my spiritual life with his malicious influence. How naïve I was to think I could glorify God and enjoy a cultural holiday at the same time. But I’ve been enlightened.
I’m grateful for the plethora of e-mails and blogs I encountered last week that warned me of the noxious effects of Halloween. Who knew that what erstwhile druids touted as flagrant demonic wickedness would one day evolve into something so deceptively cute and harmless.
It piqued my curiosity that perhaps there were other apparently harmless days that were laced with esoteric dangers. Since most of the helpful anti-Halloween rhetoric emphasized the poisonous roots from which the holiday sprang, I began my detective work in the same place—the origins of benign days. To my horror I discovered a day more insidious than Halloween: Mondays!
It turns out that the roots of Monday are as pagan as you can imagine!
The etymology of the name is, as always, revealing. Before 1200AD the day was called mondæi meaning the day of the Moon to designate the weekly Moon-worship of lunatics. This discovery was very disconcerting for me, because I have been using the name Monday since early childhood, unaware of its pagan beginnings. Only Quakers (a group known for their balanced spiritual applications) recognize this blaspheme, and they refer to the day as Second Day.
The more I delved into the significance of Monday, the more gobsmacked I became. God made Sunday the first day of the week (Gen 1), and Christians all treat it that way, but Satan’s handiwork has begun to undo God’s design. Monday is supplanting Sunday as the first day. And Christians are being duped into participating in that coup. Here is a quote from Wikipedia (which is where I got all this reliable knowledge)…
The international ISO 8601 standard places Monday as the first day of the week, and this is widely used on calendars in Europe and in international business. Monday is xīngqīyī (星期一) in Chinese, meaning “day one of the week”. Its name in Georgian and Syriac means “first day”.
Etymology alone should prove my case. But there’s more.
After the school shooting of January 29, 1979, when a remorseless Brenda Ann Spencer was asked why she opened fire on teachers and children, her senseless reply was, “I don’t like Mondays; this livens up the day.” Need I say more? Mondays have not only incited violence, but have begotten secular music too. That incident inspired the song “I don’t like Mondays” (Boomtown Rats 1979, covered by Tori Amos 2001) and of course there is the notorious 80’s anthem of the worldly decade “Just another manic Monday” by the Bangles.
Monday also undeniably stirs up negativity in the workplace. Ever hear people say, “Thank God it’s Monday”? Nope. And through Satanic commercialization, everything from mugs to mouse-pads use Monday as a reason to complain about God-given work. Doesn’t the Bible say “Do all things (including Monday) without grumbling and complaining”? Exactly.
Now that your conscience has been informed you have a choice to make: either you can go along with Monday like everyone else, or you can forward this e-mail Tweet this post as a sign of the stand you are taking against harmless days with pagan roots.
As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord, not the Moon. What does it look like to opt out of the Monday madness? I’m not sure, but I want to make sure I don’t carve any vegetables, dress abnormally, or refer to the day by it’s pagan name.
Just in case we are seen to be participating in the day, we’ll turn off our lights and give gospel tracts to people who knock. We certainly pledge to ignore the Moon, surf at any tide, and banish pictures of Neil Armstrong (who, by the way, was instrumental in popularizing the lunar idol). And we set our Google calendars to put Sunday back where it belongs: as day one.
No need to thank me for my unsolicited legislation of your conscience. You’re welcome. I’ll keep looking for other days we can collectively ignore, for the glory of God and the sake of conscience. If I dig up any dirt on Tuesday, I’ll post it next
Monday I mean, a week from today.