April 4, 2014

The only thing worse than the movie is the reviews

by Jesse Johnson

The Noah movie was released, and by all accounts (or by all discerning accounts) was a complete mash-up of gnosticism, mysticism, kabbalah, with an unhealthy dash of environmentalism. It has certainly brought out the worst in the quasi-evangelical community, who produced all sorts of reviews showing their earnestness to engage with popular culture (“it may have promoted devil worship, but the CGI was awesome!!!), whereas others seemed to try really hard to justify all those buses they rented to take their congregations to Christian screenings.

Anyway, Trevin Wax helpfully put many of the best (and worst) reviews in one place. Some of the highlights:

This review shows how the movie is essentially warmed up gnosticism.  Al Mohler’s makes the same point. If you might actually want to see the movie, then Denny Burk gives you a review without spoilers. Meanwhile, Ken Ham does what Ken Ham does.

Today on Cripplegate, Tom Patton (a pastor at Grace Church in Los Angeles, and also a literal acting coach!) gives his meticulous review as well.

As for me, I strongly recommend you read Lyndon’s review. If you don’t know why people care about this movie, then read Lyndon’s review. If you think the movie was fun to watch, then read Lyndon’s review. If you are sick and tired of reading people who say things like “blah blah, at least it will help you talk about God more, blah blah” then read Lyndon’s review. Lyndon does not mix words, tells you all you need to know about the movie, and writes exceptionally well. Plus you will get a picture of Eddie VanHalen eating a McMuffin. If it doesn’t instantly become one of your favorite movie reviews, then let me know, and I will gladly refund your money.

Jesse Johnson

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Jesse is the Teaching Pastor at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, VA. He also leads The Master's Seminary Washington DC location.
  • John A

    You know the hearts of the reviewers I see. This movie really has brought out the worst.

    • Hey John. Not really sure what you mean…can you help me understand?

  • george canady

    As I watched it, the words of revelation kept running through my mind: “add to scripture”. I had read some reviews that made me want to keep an open mind for creative lenience, but we finally had to walk out.

  • Jenny

    Thanks for the heads up to all these great reviews!

  • Lyndon Unger

    Thanks for the link to my post and the kind words Jesse!

  • Wow, thanks for posting Lyndon’s review! It is pretty much what I am hearing from anyone (believers) who has seen it. I haven’t seen a non-believer post anything about it yet, at least not on my FB page.

  • Pete Smith

    Brian Godawa is also doing some great critical thinking about the movie on his blog.

  • 4Commencefiring4

    Well, I guess it all depends on what you’re expecting to see in a film. If you refused to see “Midnight Cowboy” because it carried an “x” rating, you would never know it was really about the struggle of two people to survive against the odds and depend on each other, while drawing a tear in your eye at the end…not about sleaze. Plus you’d miss a “Best Picture” winner–all because you just couldn’t get your head around attending the screening of an “adult” film.

    No, I’m sure “Noah” misses the biblical mark by miles. Might it cause someone to think, perhaps, about his ultimate meeting with God? Perhaps?

  • Edgar Mendoza

    Here is the link to the Catholic Church recommendation of the movie Noah.


    It made me want to throw up and at the same feeling sad for my Catholic family and friends. They are highly recommending it “as a film that deserves to be seen. The author of the article representing the Catholic Church states that he wrote to debunk all those nastiest smears against the movie. He believes that this movie is pleasing to the conservative faithful of the Christian Right.

  • Edgar Mendoza

    BTW, be prepared for the reviews on Mel Gibson’s new movie soon to be released titled “Mary, Mother of Christ” a prequel to The Passion of Christ”. Also TD Jakes produced the soon to be released “Heaven is for Real.”

  • 4Commencefiring4

    Comments are apparently being deleted on this site from time to time without explanation. Sort of “cripples” the purpose, doesn’t it?

    • We tend to be fairly lenient in the way we handle comments . Usually, comments will be deleted if they’re off-topic or if they make very little progress in advancing the discussion in a helpful and edifying way. As long as you keep those things in mind before you “commence firing” off any comments, you should be fine.

  • tovlogos

    Solid post, brother Jesse —
    “Perhaps we have tried to become so much like them that now we believe they are like us. ” ….a fact. In view of wide spread biblical illiteracy, Hollywood has an unchallenged red carpet to come close; but doesn’t have to be accurate to appeal to the masses; neither will the anti-Christ. And no matter how many people cry out for a “revival,” Scripture will be fulfilled to the letter.