So… I’m in total agreement. There are those who teach on sex who should have their mouths washed out and need to grow up. Many who write and speak on the subject of sex sound like Jr. High Boys giggling in the back of biology class. Rather than exalting sex to the position God intended, their sound bites can make you reach for the remote. A willingness to speak on things others are unwilling to speak on is no virtue in and of itself. Reaching for the lowest common colloquial denominator to address matters of sexuality is unnecessary and wrong. It’s too easy. I can be as direct and as unashamed to speak on it (and do) as any other pastor out there, but the men in my congregation will always feel comfortable with their wives in attendance.
HOWEVER, avoiding coarse language when speaking on sex does not mean we can avoid the subject all together. Fact is, at least in my experience, most adult Christians received little or no discipleship on the subject prior to marriage. Not from mom & dad and certainly not from the church. When I’m invited to speak on the subject, or come across it in consecutive exposition I inevitably poll the audience. “How many of you had ‘the talk’ with your parents?” Usually, about ten percent raise their hands. This is insanity bordering on cruelty. But, when I ask the most important question (of those who raised their hands), it dwindles to around two percent. “When your parents did talk to you about sex, did they teach you the spiritual implications of it and how the Gospel makes it make sense?” This is the real tragedy.
Not providing biblical teaching on sex is just as dangerous as misrepresenting it through juvenile antics. “Sex” is not a dirty word. Sex is not evil. We are. In the absence of biblical – Gospel filled – teaching believers are destined to struggle with it, or misunderstand it. Adjusting our thinking on sex is a necessary and normal part of sanctification. Whether we live in a more sexually inundated moment in history, or not, is an irrelevant question and false dilemma. A prudish and perfectly sanitized church environment which refuses to address the issue is just as toxic as one that corrupts it.
Pastors and church leadership are duty-bound to teach on sex. You are not faithful as a pastor if you don’t. This is true not only because it is included in the corpus of God’s revelation, but also because such a demonstrable area of confusion requires compassion. If we’re not actively discipling our people (especially the adolescent and young adult populations) on the subject (just like we do with money, marriage, etc.) then we are failing in our responsibility. If we feel the subject is off limits than we’re the ones who are demeaning the topic by treating something God called “good” as something that is evil.
At Community Bible Church, as in many other churches, we’ve seen individual lives and marriages ravaged by the perverted sexuality of the culture. Out of concern we’ve rolled up our sleeves and loved husbands, wives and young men/women who become collateral damage of a rampant misrepresentation. Nearly all of these tragic situations included regenerate people committed to biblical values. Most often, when we pull on the root of these situations it leads us to same place – a vacancy in their Christian formation. These tragedies did not result merely because the wrong information was too accessible, but also because the right information was all-together absent.
Our response was to start filling in this vacancy by talking about it. Not once. Not once a year. But, constantly. Strategically. Not crassly, but honestly. Not in one context, but in every suitable context. Couples, parents, young adults, collegiates, singles, engaged couples, newly weds and students. Not only about sex in particular, but more importantly about a biblical worldview which gives freedom in this area. We realized that if all we were providing was crisis counseling, or a single conversation in premarital then we were falling short of our duty.
As a result, we went way “up stream” to our student ministries program and started introducing biblical principles to both students and their parents. From here we made our way “down stream” speaking truth into each and every context because we loved them enough to do so. How and when to speak to your children. How men can remain pure of heart in this sexually immoral culture. We allowed godly mature men to sit with our young adult and collegiate males and discuss the issue much as a father would with his son. The aims were multiple. Some of them include
1 ) Provide and applaud the Bible’s perspective over against the world’s.
2 ) Remove the prudish stigma that too often exits in the church.
3 ) Restore the concept of a God glorifying view of sex.
4 ) Head off conflicts in marriage surrounding sex by preaching self-sacrifice and service.
5 ) Declare to our singles (and the engaged) God’s design as better and more satisfying than the world’s.
6 ) Protect our men from the deception of immediate gratification and instill in them a commitment to delayed gratification through service to one’s spouse. See thetrajectory.org for more details on our discipleship model.
7 ) Protect our wives and young ladies from the brutal image of sexuality placed on them by the culture.
8 ) Create an environment of grace and compassion so those who’ve been sexually assaulted, failed in their own lives, struggle with immorality or are experiencing strife in their marriage feel free to reach out for help without fear of rejection.
